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Why do we have a THOUSAND kids?

May 2, 2017

I never wanted kids. I know, lots of people say that, but I really meant it! Kids are gross- slimy, snotty, leaky, and likely, filled with cooties (I should mention that I did get my cootie shot via the "circle, circle, dot, dot" method in third grade, but it's impossible to know how long those shots protect you!).

 

In the beginning, I was pleasantly surprised to find that our sweet baby girl Chicken Little was, generally speaking, an exception to that rule. I soon realized that was a lie. A lie meant to lull me into dropping my guard and trusting her to be responsible with poop.

She was in her kennel (Pack-N-Play) in the living room and I was doing laundry. I put her favorite movie on for her- Elmo’s Potty Time. I loaded a basket of laundry to take downstairs to the washer. I couldn’t have been gone for 3 minutes, I SWEAR!

 

On the way up from the basement, I could hear her saying, “Poop!” “She sure loves that show!,” I thought. By the time I reached the dining room, she was even more emphatic, “Uh-oh! Poop!” And then the scent of 34,000 skunks and dead ostriches assaulted my nasal passages. “Dear God in Heaven!” I gasped, which now allowed the death particles to enter my mouth.

 

The taste. I’ll never get rid of it. As I type this, I can taste it. It’s forever imbedded in the taste buds on my tongue.

 

And then I entered the living room to find this lying, precious baby covered in poop. When I tell you that she was covered, I fear you may be thinking that I’m exaggerating- that it only covered 98% of her body. Not so! It was under her fingernails, toenails, in her ears, up her nostrils, covered every shaft of hair on her head, not even her eyelashes had escaped her special schmear.

 

As I got closer, it was evident that she had “painted” the walls around the Pack-N-Play. Never one to do things “half-way,” she had also smoothed it over all four MESH walls of the Pack-N-Play.

 

Twenty seven hours later, I got her cleaned up and the living room sanitized. One of us gagged a whole lot, but neither of us threw up.

 

I was right- CHILDREN ARE GROSS! Despite the very real possibility of getting cooties from them, they are worth every dirty diaper, every snotty nose, every poop smear.

 

I don’t regret the decision to have all these kids…only the decision not to invest in the Lysol company sooner- I think our family keeps those dividend checks on pace for their investors!!

Despite all the poop, both literal and figurative, my children have brought me such joy. If cleaning a little poop off the wall or some baby snot on my shirt means children get to find healing and belonging, I’ll gladly sign up for the rest of my life. THAT is why we have a THOUSAND children!

 

"We're called to see the preciousness of our children even when they are covered in their own mess." Dr. Karyn Purvis

What’s the worst mess your child has made? How did you handle it?

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