Our little guy turned 1 yesterday, which called for a celebration and a party. There were lots of friends and framily who came to the party to help us celebrate the milestone. And there was bio dad (BD), too. No caseworkers or social workers; just BD.
What you need to know is that BD was invited to the celebration...by us. No one coerced us, no one guilted us, no one threatened us. We requested (and were granted) permission from the caseworker to invite BD to the party. So he came.
What you also need to know is that we fiercely love our little guy! We are the only parents he's ever known. For his first year of life, he has woken up and gone to sleep with momma and dadda. When he's been sad, we have comforted him. We have laughed at his silliness and cheered for his every milestone. He is firmly bonded to us, and us to him.
The decision to invite BD to the birthday celebration very easy and extremely difficult. It was absolutely what we wanted, and also the exact thing we didn't want. We asked BD to come and celebrate with us because it was the right thing to do. It was right by BD and it was right by our little guy.
BD loves our little guy. It's an imperfect and broken kind of love, but love it is- just like ours. And it took some amazing courage and humility for BD to come to a birthday party where he knew no one, and everyone clearly knew he was the BD that had lost custody of his sweet baby. These were our friends who came to the party. These are people who love our little guy and want him to be our forever son, too. He surely must have felt very uncomfortable and out of place. But he came, because it was the right thing to do.
The birthday party was great! We ate cake and fresh strawberries, little guy opened gifts, danced and sang with the music, and basked in the love of his friends and family. BD fed him the first piece of cake and momma and dadda posed for pictures with him.
He has no clue that what happened yesterday was weird and anything but usual, but there are plenty of pictures to show for it. One day our little guy will know that he has two sets of parents, both of whom love him deeply. And he will know that it's ok to love both set of parents equally, because that's the example we've chosen to set for him.
Disclaimer: Every case is different. This is one of the few times this has worked for us, too! We received the express permission from the caseworker to invite BD, and there have never been any allegations of abuse raised toward BD.